Monthly Archives: May 2011

Hidden costs

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“Sometimes you will find that your obedience to God will cost other people more than you think”  Wise words, from a wise friend, Oswald Chambers, who is an excellent travelling companion on the Way.

Jesus makes no bones about our need to ‘take up our cross’ when we follow him. He promises no beds of roses or easy life, quite the reverse, in fact. He does however, promise to be with us in it, and through every part of the journey, come rain, come shine, wonderful mountain vistas or deep shadowy valleys.

I had no illusions when I started out on this ordination journey, that it would be an easy one. God warned me it would be tough, and so it proved. He has used those difficulties very positively to shape and strengthen me, and I can genuinely  thank Him for it all.  I knew it would be costly to me, and was prepared for that. I also knew that it would be costly to those I love, and that has been, and will continue to be, the harder cost to bear. To obey God when it  calls for sacrifice, is one thing; to obey him, when it calls those nearest and dearest to bear the heavier weight of the sacrifice, is quite another.

I am blessed with a hugely supportive husband, family and friends, and I could not be more thankful for that. They have been very forbearing when they have seen very little of me due to the demands of a very rigourous, all encompassing, training process.

From the start, for me this whole thing has been about obedience, rather than ordination. I remember telling close friends early in the journey, to chide me if they ever heard me speaking about ordination as a goal. I don’t think they ever had cause to do that, thankfully.  Having fought God harder than I have ever fought Him in my life, over this call to priesthood – when I finally capitulated, He had to have my unqualified YES. A blank cheque.  Wherever He chooses to take me, via whatever route. ( and in my experiences He often goes from A to B via Y ) Mine is to answer His call to “Follow Me” , whatever that costs. See Called to Fish, Shaped to Serve  for previous thoughts on answering the call.  

I am now at another cross roads on the Way, waiting to hear where my curacy /Title post for the next few years will be.  That too will carry its costs to me, and to those I love.  I have no idea where it will be, or what will be the nature of those costs, hidden or otherwise, but I know He knows, and that is enough.  

  “Teach me your way, LORD,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name”  Psalm 86:11

 

Cathedrals

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Early morning in Peterborough Cathedral

The early morning sun streaming through the East windows; bells tolling for worship, that fall quiet to the deep hush of this vast house of prayer. Its soaring dimensions and simple beauty simultaneously uplift and enfold the soul. These ancient stones are steeped in centuries of faithful orisons offered God-ward day and night, in word and song. We gather for prayer, humbly aware of our place in a long line of worshippers that stretches far back into the distant past.

I mused a couple of months back whilst on holiday in Chamonoix ( see Looking Up) about my response to mountains, and how they make my spirit soar. Working in the Cathedral, and being surrounded by such beauty everyday, is not unlike living with mountains, in an otherwise very flat landscape. There are many parallels. The constant changing light, that gives it so many moods and faces. The outsize dimensions and immense scale, to name just a few. This cathedral, like most, may have been built with very mixed motives, including those of power and authority, but it was primarily built to sing God’s glory.  It lifts my heart to God, and His presence is very tangible here.  Its effect on all who enter its ancient wooden doors is visible. Most simply stop and look, taking in the enormity of space. It catches me every time I walk through the building, or from one part to another- thrilling to a shaft of sunlight lighting a particular space, or the blaze of candles on the priket stand. It manages to combine both the majesty and intimacy of God in a way that is hard to explain. How such a voluminous building is able to convey intimacy, has to be experienced to be fully understood. A bit like God, I guess.


“How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!
Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God.

Happy are those who live in your house, ever singing your praise. ”  Psalm 122

“Lift up your heads, O gates! and be lifted up, O ancient doors!
That the the King of glory may come in.
Who is the King of glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty,
The Lord of hosts,
He is the King of glory.” Psalm 24

Gatekeepers (via Nick Baines’s Blog)

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Bouncers or welcomers?
This is a subject close to my heart, and +Nick has expressed my feelings on it beautifully.

Gatekeepers One of the things that I find most challenging about the Gospels is that they drive a coach and horses through easy assumptions about God and those who take God seriously. It’s no wonder that some Christians find Paul easier to handle (he develops arguments) than Jesus (he gives pictures). I came to the conclusion a long time ago that we should read Paul in the light of the Gospels and not the other way round. Discuss… Anyway, one of the glarin … Read More

via Nick Baines’s Blog

Cascades of Grace

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Panning for gold.. I have done it a few times, usually with children- standing with a sieve/pan usually in cold water, scanning through an awful lot of grit and gravel to see if there is the teeniest glint of gold. Didn’t feel dissimilar to what I have spent the last few weeks doing – trawling through many many books for essay research.  I never did find any of the real stuff- but I have this time around.

I am writing about taking a congregation through the sometimes tricky and painful process of change, and looking at the subject from a whole variety of angles.  Fear not, I will not be foisting my essay on an unsuspecting public – but I thought a few of the nuggets I found along the way were definitely worth sharing.  They were worth finding, regardless if I can use them in the essay or not..

John O’Donohue, late poet/writer/thinker/priest, is writing about the intoxicating combination of hope and insight.      “Some of the most decisive moment in one’s life are when someone shows you a new frontier and helps you across into a world of new possibilities and promise. To be helped towards a new way of seeing is to be given access to a whole new world. At its highest point of intensity and possibility Meister Eckhart refers to this as the Birth of God in the Soul” 

“the Birth of God in the Soul” what a wonderful way of expressing it! Perhaps it particularly appeals to me, as a former midwife. Being a ‘spiritual midwife’ is very much part of what I see priesthood being about. Helping to birth God in the souls of others. It was an awesome privilege to deliver each of the  precious babies I brought into the world. A wonder that I never got blasé about.  My last delivery ever, was undiagnosed twins on a GP unit ( the 2nd one, a breech) but that is another whole story.

Going back to nursing, I took up palliative care nursing- very much a type of ‘midwifery’ at the other end of life. Travelling barefoot with individuals and their families on the Holy ground of the approach to death. Both birth and death involve the whole family, and are perhaps the most dramatic points of change that happen to any of us. Both types of midwifery involve reducing the fear, and the pain and retaining as much dignity as possible. Both involved   (for me anyway) staying with the person in and through the pain, physical or psychological. Accompanying with compassion. ( the Latin root of the word compassion means ‘to suffer together with’  . A costly, but precious privilege.

Travelling with individuals and more particularly with whole groups and congregations through the processes of change has many echoes of both sorts of midwifery.  I loved the way Ann Morrisy in the book Journeying Out  uses the phrase ‘cascades of Grace’  to describe what happens when a congregation starts to look and then move outwards into the community, perhaps for the first time.

“Willingness to be alongside those who know deeply about struggle, are without power and aware of the possibility of being overwhelmed is what venturesome love is all about.  Community ministry involves the provision of structures that enable people to express venturesome love..”  

And in so doing, so venturing, start off a cascade of grace benefiting everyone involved.  Morrisy also links this with the miracle of the water in to wine.  Likening the church to the worried wedding hosts whose wine is running out.. what do we do?

What do they do? What do the servants do when they are given a nonsensical command by Jesus in response to the predicament? Go and fill up huge water jars with water ( no mean feat and involving a fair bit of work and effort) and then serve them up as if they were wine.  And behold, their obedience, their willingness to ‘journey out’ of common sense and comfort zones  result in the finest of wines  being available in abundance.  A cascade of grace. God’s extravagance revealed in the first miracle.

Returning to where I started.. crossing frontiers, entering new worlds. A wondrous but often frightening experience. In morning prayer today, the Old Testament passage was from Joshua chapter 1 . Joshua is about to take the people of Israel across the Jordan, into an unknown land. God speaks to him and says:

“I will not fail you or forsake you. ..Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. “

Only thing that counts.